How to break a bad habit (and replace it with a good one)

By Jane Clear

Bad habits interrupt your life and prevent you from accomplishing your goals. They jeopardize your health — both mentally and physically. And
they waste your time and energy. So why do we still do them? And most importantly, is there anything you can do about it? I’ve previously written about the science of how habits start , so now let’s focus on the practice of making changes in the real world. How can you delete your bad behaviors and stick to good ones instead?
I certainly don’t have all of the answers, but keep reading and I’ll share what I’ve learned about how to break a bad habit.

What causes bad habits?
Most of your bad habits are caused by two things… Stress and boredom.
Most of the time, bad habits are simply a way of dealing with stress and boredom. Everything from biting your nails to overspending on a shoppingspree to drinking every weekend to wasting time on the internet can be a simple response to stress and boredom.
But it doesn’t have to be that way. You can teach yourself new and healthy ways to deal with stress and boredom, which you can then substitute in place of your bad habits.
Of course, sometimes the stress or boredom that is on the surface is actually caused by deeper issues. These issues can be tough to think about, but if you’re serious about making changes then you have to be honest with yourself.
Are there certain beliefs or reasons that are behind the bad habit? Is there something deeper — a fear, an event, or a limiting belief — that is causing you to hold on to something that is bad for you? Recognizing the causes of your bad habits is crucial to overcoming them.

You don’t eliminate a bad habit, youreplace it.
All of the habits that you have right now — good orbad — are in your life for a reason. In some way, these behaviors provide a benefit to you, even if they are bad for you in other ways. Sometimes the benefit is biological like it is with smoking or drugs. Sometimes it’s emotional like it is when you stay in a relationship that is bad for you. And in many cases, your bad habit is a simple way to cope with stress. For example, biting your
nails, pulling your hair, tapping your foot, or clenching your jaw. These “benefits” or reasons extend to smaller bad habits as well.
For example, opening your email inbox as soon as you turn on your computer might make you feel connected. At the same time looking at all of those emails destroys your productivity, divides your attention, and overwhelms you with stress. But, it prevents you from feeling like you’re “missing out” … and so you do it again.
Because bad habits provide some type of benefit in your life, it’s very difficult to simply eliminate them. (This is why simplistic advice like “just stop doing it” rarely works.) Instead, you need to replace a bad habit with a new habit that provides a similar benefit.
For example, if you smoke when you get stressed, then it’s a bad plan to “just stop smoking” when that happens. Instead, you should come up with a different way to deal with stress and insert that new behavior instead of having a cigarette.
In other words, bad habits address certain needs in your life. And for that reason, it’s better to replace your bad habits with a healthier behavior that addresses that same need. If you expect yourself to simply cut out bad habits without replacing them, then you’ll have certain needs that will be unmet and it’s going to be hard to stick to a routine of “just don’t do it” for very long.

How to break a bad habit
Here are some additional ideas for breaking your bad habits and thinking about the process in a new way.

Choose a substitute for your bad habit.
You need to have a plan ahead of time for how you will respond when you face the stress or boredom that prompts your bad habit. What are you going to do when you get the urge to smoke? (Example: breathing exercises instead.) What are you going to do when Facebook is calling to you to procrastinate? (Example: write one sentence for work.) Whatever it is and whatever you’re dealing with, you need to have a plan for what you will do instead of your bad habit.

Cut out as many triggers as possible.
If you smoke when you drink, then don’t go to the bar. If you eat cookies when they are in the house, then throw them all away. If the first thing you do when you sit on the couch is pick up the TV remote, then hide
the remote in a closet in a different room. Make it easier on yourself to break bad habits by avoiding the things that cause them. Right now, your environment makes your bad habit easier and good habits harder. Change your environment and you can change the outcome.

Join forces with somebody.
How often do you try to diet in private? Or maybe you “quit smoking” …
but you kept it to yourself? (That way no one will see you fail, right?)
Instead, pair up with someone and quit together. The two of you can hold each other accountable and celebrate your victories together. Knowing
that someone else expects you to be better is a powerful motivator.
Surround yourself with people who live the way you want to live. You don’t need to ditch your old friends, but don’t underestimate the power of
finding some new ones. If you don’t know where to start, then join a Superhuman Meetup .

Visualize yourself succeeding.
See yourself throwing away the cigarettes or buying healthy food or waking up early. Whatever the bad habit is that you are looking to break, visualize yourself crushing it, smiling, and enjoying your success. See
yourself building a new identity . You don’t need to be someone else, you just need to return to the old you. So often we think that to break our bad habits, we need to become an entirely new person. The truth is that you already have it in you to be someone without your bad habits. In fact, it’s
very unlikely that you had these bad habits all of your life. You don’t need to quit smoking, you just need to return to being a non–smoker. You don’t need to transform into a healthy person, you just need to return to being healthy. Even if it was years ago, you have already lived without this bad habit, which means you can most definitely do it again.

You know what I'm saying?

It’s no secret that good leaders are also good communicators. And the best leaders have learned that effective communication is as much about authenticity as the words they speak and write.
Indeed, communication and leadership are inextricably tied. How can you galvanize, inspire or guide others if you don’t communicate in a
clear, credible, authentic way?

Here are 5 essential communication practices of
effective leaders.

1. Mind the say-do gap.
This is all about trust, which is the bedrock of effective leadership. Your
behavior is your single greatest mode of communication, and it must be congruent with what you say. If your actions don’t align with your
words, there’s trouble. And it can turn into big trouble if not corrected swiftly and genuinely. Since it’s often difficult to see the say-do gap in
yourself, rely on a few trusted colleagues to tell it to you straight and flag discrepancies. Rule of thumb: it’s better to say nothing or delay your
communication until you’re certain that your actions will ring true.

2. Make the complex simple.
Your employees and customers are being bombarded 24/7 by information, making it hard for them to hear you. Simplicity has never been more powerful or necessary. Effective leaders distill complex
thoughts and strategies into simple, memorable terms that colleagues and customers can grasp and act upon. If you’re having trouble distilling
something to its essence, it may be that you don’t understand it. So get clear and look out for technical jargon and business speak, which add
complexity. Say what you mean in as few words as possible.

3. Find your own voice.
Use language that’s distinctly your own. Let your values come through
in your communication. Often, executives will opt for the sanitized “corporate voice” instead of their own because they think the former is more eloquent; more appropriate. This is not to say that correct grammar and use of language aren’t important — strong leaders know how to string a sentence together. But don’t fixate on eloquence;
concentrate on being distinct and real. People want real. People respect real. People follow real. Don’t disguise who you are. Be genuine, and people will respect you for it.

4. Be visible.
Visibility is about letting your keystakeholders get a feel for who you are and what you care about. It’s easy to hide behind a computer  and transmit messages to others without seeing or interacting with them. Although e-communication serves a valuable purpose, it is no substitute for face-to-face and voice-to-voice communication. In today’s environment, people are often burned out and need to feel a personal connection to you and the work that you believe in. Do a “calendar
test” to make sure you’re allocating time regularly to be out on the floor, in the factory, in the callcenter, in the lab, in the store. Show your people
that you’re engaged and care about them and their work.

5. Listen with your eyes as well as your ears.
Stop, look and listen. Remember that effective communication is two-way. Good leaders know how to ask good questions, and then listen with
both their eyes and ears. It’s easy to be so focused on getting your message out — or persuading others — that you don’t tune in to what you see and hear. Because you’re in a position of authority, the stakes are even higher because you won’t always get direct feedback. You need to read between the lines. Listen and hear what is coming back at you. Look for the nonverbal cues. Sometimes a person’s body language will tell you everything you need to know. 

SUSAN TARDANICO